Skinned
by Kyle Gaddy
Summary: The SHC's greatest soldiers are sent off into their first missions, how will they fair under the gaze of their superiors? and under the watchful eyes of gamers every where?


Skinned

By: Kyle Gaddy

AKA Via Xbox Live

Delta Red 07

There was a war being waged in the animal kingdom, a war of furry bloodshed against the fewer yet determined Squirrel High Command and the ruthless cold Tediz once run by Weasel generals but now can rely solely on themselves if necessary. In the human world this may have seemed like a fuzzier remake of World War II. Only with our war we have a select crack team of specialists known only as "Delta" with each member the greatest of their weapons class. As with any other team there's the leader, Sergeant Buzz Killjoy, the greatest strategist any general would feel more at ease having under their name, and a crack grunt of any military. Lt. Jr. Grade Beverly Sly was the teams s covert ops specialist, if you needed a saboteur to hay wire, annoy, or simply lessen an opposing force this was your lady. Private Bob Duhmass, the largest, fattest, and sadly dumbest squirrel on SHC payroll, yet also the greatest Demolisher you could pray to have your back with either his Bazooka or a Strayfur. Second in command to Delta is Lt. Sharp Schneider, not near the brains as Sg. Killjoy but then again Buzz couldn't put a round through a flea's ass at four hundred yards. We still can't figure out how he managed it. As with any team like this you allways need transport, that's where the teams resident coward comes in. Private Ace Flyer is a decent shot but at the first sign of trouble on the ground he'll skitter away. Put in the pilot seat though and you have yourself the craziest and loyalist nut you could ever hope to get you in, out, and back home in one piece under fire. He says that as long as he's in a perfectly good plane he'll take out anything. He has yet to disappoint us. And then we come to the TRUE nut of the team, Bazil Burns. We just call him Baz. He's a kind mannered and well behaved squirrel and the best medic you could offer. Give him a sinurator (or a match for that matter) and he'll burn down anything he thinks will burn... which to him is everything. Now we join this team as they prepare their siege on a castle taken over as a base for Tediz operations "'Ey! if you bastard's don't quit giving away the plot I'll tear youse limb from limb myself!" well sorry for narrating you fuzzy bastard "Ey! I'm Not Fuzzah!"

Chapter 1: Into the field Bitching and Screaming!

"Damned author just about gave away our position!" a grayed grunt grunted as he glanced over a map.

"Um sir? we're not really in any danger even if the Tediz heard him, personally I thought he was charming"

Sg. Killjoy glared at his lieutenant "you just don't wanna get cut from this scene ya one eyed twat, damn suck up"

The tall lanky ranger scoffed as he went back to polishing his rifle "at least I'm his favorite"

Buzz burst out laughing so hard he nearly fell over... then he did and clutched at his sides as his bellows receded "You? Bull $#&! you've seen how he looks at Beverly!"

Sharp sighed and rolled his eye "if you had the power you'd do the same thing..." He reached over to his left and lifted up a magazine with their teams Sneeker on the cover with... little cover... "then again, I would too"

Buzz blushed and stammered a moment before grabbing the magazine "You filthy bastard! do you have any idea how many ways that woman would gut you if she caught you looking... at..." His sentence hung there in its little word bubble as he stared into the pages "holy $#& how'd he get her to do that? she that limber?"

Sharp kept himself from laughing "well he is the writer, for all we know he could have made a little side story of him and her"

"Hey We're Almost There!"

Buzz blinked as he gazed up to where the cockpit lie for a moment before he looked to his teams sniper "Why don't we see 'im?"

"Writer hasn't found a decent sky jockey picture to make a description"

"oh right... wait, what description? Hell he hasn't even told them what WE look like!"

The long ranger shrugged in his dark beige uniform and straightened his green Kevlar helmet "guess he assumes every one knows what a long ranger and grunt look like"

Buzz watched him before quirking a brow "Has he even played this game yet?"

With the shake of the head his Lieutenant gave him he only had one more thing to say before the paragraph ended "well #$&"

A bit of an arse ain't I?

Inside the soon to be sieged castle of Tediz a pair patrolled through a hall past a couple of comrades chitterling in their own barking language. They stopped and saluted for a moment before they were out of sight. As the patrol passed around the corner one sighed and leaned back and lit up a pipe as his voice came out in an english drawl "so have you seen just what the author did to that furry lass?" he pointed with his pipe to the magazine his friend was glancing at.

"I know she's not e'en wearin' any knickers, whoa check the bollocks on 'er!" He turned back and found his friend gone, his pipe smoking on the floor. After a few blinks the Tediz smacked his head "Ah chricket this is THAT scene! Bollocks!" He tucked away the magazine and cleared his throat before chittering and hopping lightly with his rifle in hand. "Eh? where go?" he growled in a hoarse voice, peering down the hallway with beady yellow eyes. Suddenly the hall shifted and rotated until it was like he was standing on the wall.

He blinked again "Eh? what happen?" Suddenly his body fell infront of him... without him attached to it. "O-o-h" Was all left to say as a dagger stabbed into his temple. A gloved hand reached into the Tediz jacket and pulled out the magazine. A disgusted sigh came forth.

"Good god!" She turned up and glared up into the camera... which she should NOT Do! "Shut it! you said these pictures were for YOUR viewing pleasure only!" Well, you see that was the case, then this guy came over with this briefcase full of money and "Shut it! I'll kill you after the story ends! just keep going!" Right, er, Ahem. This was Lieutenant Junior Grade Beverly Sly's specialty, getting in without being scene and crippling an enemy force. And posing nude for a... friend... yes "Bull$#&! You paid me!" Moving on now.

She pressed herself against the wall and slowly peeked forward, stifling a yelp and pulling herself back as another pair of Tediz started towards her. As they turned the corner chitterling chatting they continued down a now empty hallway. After they passed out of sight and with a heavy sigh two bodies fell from the ceiling... and a head... With the luscious squirrel girl landing softly behind them "dirty minded bastards"

She gave a few quick tugs at her equipment making sure everything was still in place, those lovely hands sensually skimming up along her "Buddy your death is going to be very slow and very painful if you finish that sentence" Sorry, right moving along then. After a quick check down the corridor she gracefully leapt from one hiding place to another, whether it be behind an oddly placed velvet chair or atop a large portrait of a weasel in formal clothing. Ahead was the commanding officer's room, where her mission was to call in just as she penetrated his office so that her escape route could be made. How they planned to do that she didn't know.

She gave a gentle turn of the knob and found it unlocked, the hinges crying out as they turned. She winced and peered inside, the CO was staring out the window with a wide grin on his snout, muttering something in a heavy accent with his hands clasped behind his back, a wardrobe that would fit a nazi. Hitler would be proud. Slay entered silently and shut the door carefully behind her, the hinges remained silent this time. Now the fun part, how to rid the world of this unholy creature? She glanced over her choices, a stab with a dagger? naw that's no fun, what about throwing one right into the back of the head? good but not exactly good for the occasion. Then she unsheathed her saber and with a grin came to a rather vengeful idea. She won't give him the dignity of an open coffin funeral.

The weasel only grinned on out at his own reflection, watching as his troops of fuzzy death machines marched on in his name. Then there, over the shoulder of his reflection a glint of a blade. In a controlled panic he drew his gun and spun, firing off two rounds that were flicked away by the blade, the owner kai-yi-ing as she slashed at him several times and sheathed her blade in a samurai like fashion. The weasal blinked and checked himself over, then with a grin raised the gun to her brow "It zeems ye' mizzed me" With a still growing grin he tugged the trigger, and the hammer clicked. He pulled it a few more times but only got hollow clicks in return again and again. "Ach! Vhat iz vrong vith thiz ting?" He shook it and found the barrel falling from the slide, then the slide falling from the grip, then the grip from his hand, then the hand from his... wrist...

In a horror he looked up at the woman as she only smiled on while his arms fell along with his head away from his torso which split in three pieces before toppling to the floor. With that she lifted the radio from her belt and spoke into it.

"Alright boys make me an exit"

A crackle later Buzz's voice came on "Roger that... uh Bev?"

"Yea?"

"Might wanna step away from the window"

She blinked and stared at her radio. _What the hell does that mean?_

She was answered with an earth shattering detonation destroying a wall where she found her escape route. _Well that works._

She quickly jumped as the door was smashed open and bullets soon zinged past her head. The constant fire only stopped a second before the Tediz began raining down their ammo from above, the lithe squirrel twisting and turning expertly before swinging from a handy tree branch into a prone landing. And she says I never gave her anything. With only that pause she went into a mad dash to her retrieval point, bullets still whizzing past her and beginning to make her nervous. Then she saw her ray of hope. Up ahead she saw light sparkle and quickly jerked herself into a roll as a loud shot rang out. The gunfire behind her stopped only a moment as she grinned and started running again, this time fire was being traded back and forth. And she knew by who. She could already see the hulking figure pour out his fire from his strayfur. She grinned until she heard the rumbling of an engine coming up from behind her. A quick glance told her a few Tediz had boarded bikes and were angrily chatting to each other as they fired blindly at her. In an instant all three were taken down with good portions of their skulls missing. She grinned as she purred to herself _Have to thank Sharps personally._

Another bike was coming up as the other tumbled with its corpses flailing into the grass. With a grin she leapt and spun, hurling daggers. The driver was nailed in the fore head and in the chest twice, the rider had his temple impaled as he turned and watched his comrade die. She couldn't help but grin as she passed by the bulk of Bob and jumped over Sharps. There, sitting like a giant bloated duck (don't ask that's just what it looks like) was her ride home with Sg. Buzz reaching out to her. The moment she grabbed his hand she knew everything was going to be okay.

Then the transport blew up and they all died... naw just kidding, I'd have to be a wankin' twat to have that happen. So I won't. But I will end the first chapter of my Conker Live and Reloaded inspired tale.

Buzz: Wait thats it? I Didn't 'ven get teh blow summin up!

Sharps: I think that's Bob's job Sarge

Bob: Uuh, deh blows up goods

Kyle: Bob your sentence structure allways amazes me

Beverly: Are you reading that porno mag of me again?

Kyle: ...no?

Ace: Better start running boy


End file.
